I watched a video a few weeks ago about the rise of young adults choosing to live with their parents into their 20's and 30's. They highlighted a few people to analyze why they chose to move back home after college or other endeavors. A lot of it was focused on the effects of the expensive housing market and the 'disappearance of starter homes'. It was an interesting watch, but one young lady's comment stuck out to me. And it had nothing to do with the housing market.
She is a single lady in her 30's who moved in with her mom to save money. Her reasoning made sense to me and I could understand why she chose the path she did. But, she then started talking about relationships.
She stated that she was open to finding a romantic relationship and eventually getting married only if it made her life easier and happier than it currently is.
My head tilted and my eyes squinted.
I am a single guy and I have no personal first hand experience of marriage because I have never said "I do". But, it does not take a married person to understand some basic marital truths. You need the willingness to study and listen, and have good roles models.
I heard a pastor once say that "marriage is not about happiness, but it is about holiness." Many people think that the grass is greener on the other side. But someone told me that the grass is greener where you choose to water it.
There are pros and cons to being single. And there are pros and cons to being married. There is happiness in both, sadness in both, joy in both, and loneliness in both. Marriage is not duck tape or W-D 40 for a single person.
In 2020, I went on a date with a girl who lived a few hours from me. We briefly met once but then conversated over the phone for about a week. I wanted to meet this girl again to get to know her better. I left work early one day and drove up one evening to meet her.
It was a train wreck.
We were not compatible and it was glaringly apparent to both of us. The next morning I was disappointed and feeling down. I was working at a church at the time and the pastor noticed I wasn't myself. He asked what was wrong and I shared about my disastrous date the night before. He looked at me and said these words that I have not quickly forgotten:
"Adam, there are worse things than being single, and that is being with someone that you don't want to be with."
I have been on several dates since then and that quote has whispered in my ear on multiple occasions. I'm thankful for that.
If you want to grow old with someone, there must be an understanding that it will cause some painful struggles of revealing how much selfishness is really in your life. But out it, the joy found in giving of yourself.
I felt for this young lady in the video I watched, because her idea is unrealistic. Nor is it attractive when I ponder it. Happiness comes and goes, so why would I use that as a base for a life long relationship? Sounds stressful.
If I learned anything about marriage, it is by watching my parents, grandparents, and other friends close to me who are married. I believe there is great joy in marriage because I have seen it. I have seen elderly couples who are growing old together and it is beautiful and moving.
What I am trying to say is, from what little I know and have seen, growing old with a spouse is well worth the journey that it ensues. Therefore, be thoughtful and careful about who you choose because that can make all the difference. That, and having Christ be the center.
Choose someone who enhances the mundane moments of life. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, ect. If you can laugh and enjoy those moments in sweet harmony, then I believe you have something special. Youth doesn't last forever. Love for a lifetime is not based on lust but rather on faithfulness. A choice we choose each day, for better or for worse.
Singer/Songwriter Tori Kelly once wrote a song where she asks a very important question,
"will you still love me when the pretty fades?"
Comments